Reddit user asks for help to erase guilt over not lending ‘significant amount’ of money to friend in need

On January 17, 2025By Littum

There is an old saying from the Roman poet Quintus Ennius: a friend in need is a friend indeed. Then there’s Vince Vaughn’s line from The Wedding Crashers: “A friend in need is a pest.”

The earlier quote is the vibe that Sarah, 31, quickly sought out after feeling a financial squeeze.

For years, the 31-year-old seemed to have a lot to say about one of her friends’ finances; questions her choice to splurge on designer handbags, fine dining and luxury vacations.

But when Sarah was in a financial bind, those criticisms quickly came back to a much bigger issue.

“Sarah was faced with unexpected expenses and asked to borrow a significant amount to cover her rent. I was surprised given her previous criticism of my spending,” one Reddit user and friend of Sarah wrote.

The anonymous Reddit user, who makes a comfortable living, turned down the loan request — a decision her friend quickly called selfish and unsupportive. Some mutual friends weighed in and suggested that she should have helped Sarah. But is it possible to lend a friend money in a time of need without jeopardizing the friendship?

Although the Reddit user was admonished for refusing to lend the money, commenters quickly supported her decision.

“Borrowing money is the best way to lose a friendship,” one user wrote in the thread.

ONE LendingTree survey revealed that 31% of those questioned had a loved one in debt, with 49% of them lending money to a friend and 26% to a sibling. While common, lending money to a loved one can lead to strained relationships, especially when repayment plans are vague or, in Sarah’s case, your friend has criticized your spending habits in the past.

Not only has Sarah previously been critical of the Reddit user’s spending habits, but a separate investigation of Intuit Credit Karma found that despite financial instability, 38% of Gen Z and 35% of millennials are still willing to put their financial goals on hold for instant gratification.

In this case, Sarah’s and her friend’s conflicting values made the loan request more awkward. Sarah could have needed the money because of a job loss, an unexpected expense, or even because she sprang with a need rather than a need. Whatever the reason, moments like this can strain a friendship.