‘SNL’: Call the musical guest by the guest host’s name

On By Littum

If you’re “Saturday Night Live” and you need someone to play Alexander Hamilton in an opening sketch about the Founding Fathers, there’s only one person you can turn to: Lin-Manuel Miranda.

And then you make him stand there in silence for most of the sketch.

This weekend’s “SNL” (which had Timothée Chalamet as both host and musical guest) appeared to begin with a skit about the signing of the Declaration of Independence. Most of the cast were on stage in vests and wigs, with Mikey Day playing John Hancock and Andrew Dismukes playing Benjamin Franklin.

“What do you say, Alexander Hamilton?” asked Michael Longfellow. And there, in her “Hamilton” garb, was Miranda, the decorated creator and star of that Broadway musical.

“What shall I say?” Miranda replied. “I say our lives don’t matter if we lose them in the cause of freedom. What matters is the nation we build.”

And sure enough, he started rapping.

Because in America all men are created equal,

America not England; we’re making the sequel,

And we want leaders, but know one thing:

In America we will never have a king.

But then he and the cast froze in place when James Austin Johnson took the stage in his recurring role as Donald Trump.

“Never say never,” Johnson said. “Of course it’s fun, although in many ways I’m not. I’m in my prime.” And like the Founding Fathers, Johnson said, “I’m creating a new country, too. And like them, we’re making it very white.” He declared that “THEY are over,” adding, “Workplaces need to go back to looking like the TV show ‘The Office.’ Mostly white people with a funny black guy who’s really bad.”

After returning to the White House, Johnson said things were largely the same as before, except “my new favorite son is Barron.”

“And he bangs his head on every door frame,” he said. “Oh, that’s bad. It’s like when Gandalf goes to Bilbo’s house.”

He also praised Elon Musk: “We love Elon,” Johnson said. “But to quote some of his own children, I don’t want him in my life.”

“They say he did the Nazi salute,” Johnson continued. “Not true, okay? He simply made a new greeting. A cross between hello and hello. We call it a ‘heil’.”

While they were frozen in place, Johnson took potshots at the rest of the “SNL” cast. “Who will play Hegseth?” he asked “I mean, look at these guys out here. None of them got the build. Nobody got the jaw. Got plenty of Zuckerberg options though; it’s going to be a battle.”

He also teased Miranda, who he said “wrote a whole rap and he doesn’t get it — oh, the audience would have eaten it up.”

As he concluded, Johnson thanked the “generous anonymous $1 million donation to my campaign,” turning to Miranda and saying, “I know it was you, Lin.”

Miranda finally broke free, “No, it wasn’t!” he said.

“Your word against mine,” Johnson replied.

Alas, Chalamet — a newly minted Oscar nominee this week for his role as Bob Dylan in “A Complete Unknown” — didn’t get the real Dylan to make a cameo on “SNL” this week. (If Dylan didn’t show up in Stockholm to accept his Nobel Prize, it’s unlikely Dylan would come to New York to watch Day and Chalamet sniff each other’s behinds while dressed as dogs.)

However, as the show’s musical guest, Chalamet performed a couple of Dylan covers with a little help from British pop singer James Blake. In his first segment, Chalamet sang “Outlaw Blues” and “Three Angels”. (He was also introduced by “SNL” alum Adam Sandler, which isn’t too shabby.) In his second musical segment, Chalamet performed “Tomorrow Is a Long Time.” And we’re just going to assume the dog sketch was an homage to Dylan’s “If Dogs Run Free.”

At the weekend update desk, anchors Colin Jost and Michael Che continued to riff on President Trump’s second inauguration and his first week back in office.

Jost began:

Well guys, I never really did Dry January, but this week I stopped pretending. President Trump was sworn in again on Monday. But he seemed not to lay his hand on the Bible. Well, he tried, but the Bible screamed. The Bible Trump used was the same one Abraham Lincoln used at his inauguration. And man, I wish those two could talk to each other. Lincoln could teach Trump a lot about the importance of preserving our union. And Trump could teach Lincoln how to turn heads at just the right moment.

During his speech, President Trump said he was changing the name of the Gulf of Mexico to the Gulf of America. (Responding to audience laughter:) Like you, Hillary Clinton could be seen in the background laughing as he said that. While Kamala could be seen silently begging her edible to kick in.

Che continued: President Trump pardoned Oath Keeper leader Stewart Rhodes, who served 18 years for his role in the January 6 attack. And ladies, like his eye, he’s single. President Trump defended his January 6 pardon of the attackers, saying they are just people who love their country. You know, like how OJ loved Nicole.

There was no return from $mokeCheddaThaAssGetta, the unusual hip-hop star that Chalamet has played in his two previous hosting gigs on “SNL” (You’re telling us Lin-Manuel Miranda wouldn’t have wanted to work with him?)

But as always, Chalamet was game for several other sketches that took full advantage of his versatility (and eccentricity). For our cheddar was the best bet this sketchwhich cast him as the volatile instructor of a bungee-cord exercise class, and a later segment where he played a barista-in-training who aspires to be a stand-up comedian. In another era you would have killed on “Def Comedy Jam”, Timmy.