Trump’s inauguration means America is about to be great. Right?

On By Littum

Our democracy has righted itself by returning Donald Trump to power, and this Inauguration Day, our nation will undoubtedly be healed.

Good news, America. The moment Donald Trump takes the oath of office at his BIGGEST AND BEST Inauguration EVER, everything in America is going to be great, according to Donald Trump.

It will be a relief for all of us, given that, according to Donald Trump, we have spent the last four years in a criminal hellscape with barely two pennies to rub together.

But when was he president? Those were the good old days that he said at a campaign rally last year: “We had the greatest economy in the history of the planet, well-paying jobs and jobs that can very, very easily support a home and a family. We had it all.”

Oh, yes. I fondly remember the COVID-19 pandemic years as a time when we “had it all.”

The second Trump left office, everything went downhill — according to Trump

But then the worst thing happened: Our stupid democracy wouldn’t let Trump continue to be the greatest president in history and force Joe Biden on us.

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The moment Biden took the oath of office, all the “good” things that existed under Trump became “terrible.”

Anyway, democracy corrected itself by returning Trump to power, and on this inauguration day, our nation will no doubt be healed.

Here are a few things that are getting perfect.

Crime will cease to exist the moment Trump is sworn in

Seam Trump spent the last four years telling us: “Crime is so out of control in our country.”

While the so-called crime data showed that crime dropped significantly under Biden, Trump knew better. At a convention in Detroit last year he said: “You can’t walk across the street to get a loaf of bread. You get shot, you get assaulted, you get raped.”

Well, guess what, my fellow Americans. After the inauguration, no one in this country will be shot-robbed-raped while buying a loaf of bread. In fact, I can almost guarantee that Trump will oversee four years of the LOWEST CRIME RATE ANY COUNTRY HAS EVER SEEN, no matter what some stupid liberal numbers say.

There will be no shooting, rape or assault, or any combination of the three.

The economy will be great as soon as Trump is in power

Speaking of stupid numbers, Trump never believed the many reports and indicators that show The American economy under Biden improved and was one of the strongest in the world.

he said last year: “As everyone knows, the Biden economy is a nightmare for working families under Crooked Joe.”

An absolute nightmare! But later this inauguration day, you know what the Trump economy will be? FANTASTIC!

America will “roar back,” and it will be an economy “that no one ever thought possible.”

America as a third world country? Not when Trump is in office!

Another point that Trump has been making for the past few years is that immediately after he left office, America deteriorated into a dysfunctional third world nation.

He regularly referred to the United States as “a third world country” and last March said: “Our states are dying. And frankly, our country is dying.”

I don’t think “dying” covers it. Our nation, since the second Trump left the White House, has been dead. Just a burned out shell of a once great country.

But don’t despair. Because the second Trump takes his hand from the Bible, which he must have read, and finishes the oath of office … BOOM! AMERICA IS REINCARNATED!

As if with a snap of the fingers, the good old US of A. will be back to first world status, a glorious nation of infinite greatness and success.

A handy guide to when things were or are great (but only under Donald Trump)

There are many other ways our lives will immediately improve once Trump is sworn in, according to Donald Trump. To list them here would take far too long.

If in doubt, just consult this handy chronological guide:

FIRST TRUMP ADMINISTRATION, January 20, 2017 – January 20, 2021: Everything was good and perfect.

BIDEN ADMINISTRATION, January 20, 2021 – January 20, 2025: Everything was horrible and miserable, and the nation smelled of brimstone and ashes.

SECOND TRUMP ADMINISTRATION, January 20, 2025 ‒ ???: All things returned to be better and more perfect.

Enjoy the unbridled happiness and prosperity that awaits us, according to Donald Trump.

Follow USA TODAY columnist Rex Huppke on Bluesky at @rexhuppke.bsky.social and on Facebook at facebook.com/RexIsAJerk