tWitch Widow Allison Holker shares shocking drug discovery

Trigger warning: This article contains references to suicide and drugs.

Allison Holkerwidow till late Stephen “tWitch” bosstells her truth about her husband, his passing and how she and her family have been in the aftermath in a new memoir. But there is one story that is sure to surprise everyone.

Seam we previously told youtWitch died by suicide via a self-inflicted gunshot wound back in December 2022. Now, i a new interview with PEOPLE promoting her upcoming book, “This Far,” she describes the shocking discovery she made while preparing for her husband’s funeral. Holker recounted how she and a close friend cleaned out his closet and finalized the clothing details for him for his funeral, saying they ended up discovering hidden shoeboxes containing a “cornucopia” of drugs such as mushrooms, pills and “other drugs”, which she had to look up online.

“It was a really eye-opening moment for me because there were a lot of things I discovered in our closet that I didn’t know existed. It was very alarming for me to learn that there was so much going on that I had no idea about,” she told PEOPLE. “It was a really scary moment in my life to find out, but it also helped me process that he went through so much and he hid so much and there must have been a lot of shame in that.”

Holker then went on to say that while she was aware of her late husband’s occasional marijuana use and drinking, as he often used it to recharge in his alone time, these newfound drugs were a shock to her system. This discovery subsequently led her to read tWitch’s journals, where she discovered more about his inner struggles and other things he kept to himself, including the implication that he was allegedly sexually abused by a male family member during his childhood.

Holker continued:

Reading Stephen’s journals and even going back to the books he had read and the things he highlighted and highlighted really gave me a better view of where he was in life and the type of things he was struggling with. It made me feel a lot of empathy for him and sadness for all the pain he was holding.

Although the information may have been difficult to process, Holker hopes that by being open and transparent about her late husband – it will help others feel they are not alone and that they have a community they can lean on of and rely on.

“It’s hard to think that he never opened up to anyone and wanted to face it, to come through on the other side,” she said. “I really hope that people who are dealing with the same thing will help themselves out of the shadows and (know) that you’re going to be okay.”

If you or someone you know is considering suicide, you should know that there is help available. Call the Suicide and Crisis Lifeline today by dialing 988 or text “STRENGTH” to the crisis text line at 741741.