Why Michelle Obama is skipping the Trump inauguration

But Obama has decided that attending one Trump inauguration is enough.

“Former First Lady Michelle Obama will not be attending the upcoming inauguration,” a statement from Obama’s office read. No explanation was given nor was it necessary. Obama is in his “no longer willing to go along to get along” era.

Barack Obama, George W. and Laura Bush and Bill and Hillary Clinton will be present at Trump’s swearing-in ceremony. But the former presidents and their wives have announced it they will not participate the traditional inauguration lunch. (And people say there’s no bias.)

In 2021, Trump, marinating in lies about his loss to Joe Biden, became the first outgoing president to skip the inauguration of his successor.

As for Obama, this is the second high-profile presidential event in recent weeks that she will forego. She was not with her husband at the funeral of former President Jimmy Carter on January 9 in Washington. Her absence seemed odd until one noticed the seating arrangement at the National Cathedral — Michelle Obama would have been seated next to Trump.

Obama was even willing to sacrifice personal honor for the much-admired Carter. She left the forced courtesy to Mike Pence, Trump’s former vice president, who saw his old boss for the first time since Jan. 6, 2021, when Trump incited rioters chanting “Hang Mike Pence” as they attacked the Capitol.

Avoiding the hypocrisies of protocol — and not caring what anyone thinks about it — must be a relief for Obama. From the time her husband launched his first presidential campaign in 2007, she has been reviled as often as she has been revered, the former for no other reason than that she was the first black woman in a position once held exclusively by white women.

As high as her popularity ratings are — she’s often mentioned as a potential Democratic candidate even though she has no interest in running for public office — Obama has faced heavy scrutiny and racial slurs.

In 2008 right-wing media pounced when Obama said that “For the first time in my adult life, I’m really proud of my country” for believing in change after her husband’s nomination. After the Obamas exchanged a playful fist bump, The New Yorker mocked the conservative pearl outfit with a cover caricature portraying him dressed as a Muslim while she was decked out as a black revolutionary with a giant afro and a rifle slung across her back.

During her speech at the 2016 Democratic National Convention, Michelle Obama was criticized for reminding this nation of an inconvenient truth — that the White House, where she and her family lived for eight years, was “built by slaves.“

Through it all, Obama smiled and said nothing publicly about the misogyny — the toxic brew of racism and sexism black women face — she endured. But she acknowledged Trump’s racist comments to her husband as more than just politics as usual.

In her 2018 memoir, “Becoming,” Obama pointed out “underlying bigotry and xenophobia” behind Trump’s “birth” is about her husband’s citizenship. She called them “dangerous” and “on purpose to stir up wingnuts and cones.”

“Donald Trump, with his loud and reckless insinuations, put my family’s safety at risk,” Obama wrote. “And for this I would never forgive him.”

How Obama feels about Trump was revealed last summer in a blistering speech she gave at a presidential campaign for Vice President Kamala Harris. She singled out “the incompetence and the corruption, the chaos that was the cornerstone of (Trump’s) entire four years in office.” It wasn’t just politics. It was personal.

Some will probably call Obama petty for not attending Trump’s inauguration. I doubt she cares. Being the bigger person also means refusing to bend the knee or act as if extreme deviance should be normalized and celebrated.

Whatever else happens over the next four years, this much is already clear – Michelle Obama is done pretending.

Renée Graham is a Globe columnist. She can be reached at [email protected]. Follow her @reneeygraham.